Live-blogging Super Bowl ads: Good, bad and viral

Ben Popken, NBC News contributor ? ? ? 5 hrs.

Welcome to the NBC News 2013 Super Bowl ad coverage. We'll be keeping you updated with our takes and quips on all the big Super Bowl ads this year.

This is a "live blog," so refresh the page to get our latest thoughts about the latest ads. New items will post with the most recent at the the top. Our aim is to be select, smart, conversational and fun, so not every single ad will appear, just the ones we feel are noteworthy. We'll also be uploading clips of the ads we pick throughout the game.

Hang out with us, leave your thoughts in the discussion area, and let's get some Super Bowl ad action on!

10:50 p.m. ET: And the Coke goeeeees tooooooo.... the showgirls! Fizzz... that's not the sound of a soda opening, that's the sound of anticlimax. Oh well, but we appreciated the "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" reference.

10:45 p.m. ET: And that's the game! Baltimore 34, San Francisco 31. Congrats to the players, coaches, and the advertisers who pulled up some big surprise plays. Stay tuned for our top 10 Super Bowl ad picks and vote for your favorite.

10:29 p.m. ET: Here we go, Paul Rudd and Seth Rogan arguing over which of them is going to be "the next big thing" for Samsung, a Super Bowl ad that functions as a meta-critique of Superbowl Ads. Cue laughs!

10:22 p.m. ET: The big Benz ad features Kate Upton not in long-lingering soap suds, but just briefly glanced at in a cocktail dress.

10:20 p.m. ET: The audio from the Dodge ad was from Paul Harvey's 1978 speech at the national FFA (Future Farmers of America) convention.

10:15 p.m. ET: Here's the big Sodastream ad featuring exploding branded soda bottles. Pretty cool, but once again the impact for us is diminished since seeing it online a bunch so many times.

10:13 p.m. ET: Guy spills sauce on his shirt and it looks like Joe Montana's face. It becomes a shrine for fans... until his wife cleans it with Tide. Whoops! This ties into an online campaign Tide has been running, cheekily encouraging people to buy "Stain Saver" patches that you put over stains on your shirt you don't want the detergent to get out.

10:06 p.m. ET: Kia's "Space Babies" ad is one of three different ads that have child astronauts.

9:58 p.m. ET: A very long pro-farmer paean voiced by radio broadcaster Paul Harvey from Chrysler for its Dodge Ram trucks. It was in same spirit as the Eastwood "Halftime in America" ad from last year, but this one is unlikely to resonate as much or generate the same kind of chatter. However, it will likely strike a chord for folks in the heartland.

9:54 p.m. ET: Wonder how those Coke Badlanders and Showgirls are doing? Wish there was a way to track it live. Meanwhile, looks like the 49er's have done a little "sabotage" of their own on the Ravens' momentum.

9:36 p.m. ET: Before the game, Budweiser asked fans to name the newest Cyldesdale foal. A little surprised they didn't include the name in the ad but that's okay, it was still a heart-warming story of a man who loves a horse that grows up! This ties with the Jeep ad for tear-jerker ad of the game.

9:30 p.m. ET: Lincoln runs an ad for its Twitter-sourced ad and tells you to go online to watch the whole thing. Guess they only wanted to pay for :30 instead of the 1:30.

9:26 p.m.ET: Psy cracks pistachio nuts Gangnam style, cementing his legacy as the "micro-Macarena" of the moment.

9:25 p.m. ET: Kia's ad, with a femme-bot kicking a guy in the groin and giving him an atomic wedgie, is probably the most classically "Super Bowl ad" in its comedic approach. With all these story lines and clever narratives, we're almost nostalgic for a few good groin shot ads.

9:22 p.m. ET: The Tracy Morgan MiO ad was supposed to be "buzzy" but the best thing about it is that he fires off the screen in jet boots.

9:14 p.m. ET: This is how quick-twitch Twitter frenetic this year's Super Bowl ad game is: Oreo uploaded a power-outage-related ad to Twitter already. It just shows an Oreo on gray background with the caption, "You can still dunk in the dark."

9:12 p.m. ET: And the game is back on! Phew.

9:04 p.m. ET: Power is still out in the stadium and they've stopped showing ads. We will be very impressed if it's all an elaborate tie-in to the new "Into Darkness" Star Trek movie.

8:42 p.m. ET: This continuing Bud Light New Orleans voodoo storyline doesn't quite make sense. Maybe they put a hex on the lights in the stadium.

8:41 p.m. ET: The E*Trade baby is back! This time he shows you all the things you could be blowing your stack of cash on instead of hidden 401k fees. A series of pictures of him playing polo, living it up at the club with "bottle-service" served milk, and, our favorite, doing the running of the bulls while in a Baby Bjorn-esque sling.

8:37 p.m. ET: Baltimore 28, San Francisco 6. The second-half advertisers are going to be ticked if this doesn't get close.

8:28 p.m. ET: We liked Jeep's "Whole Again" ad supporting the USO. It had epic national sweep to it and felt of the moment.

8:17 p.m. ET: Fun fact: that was not a planned pyrotechnic. Beyonce's moves are so hot it made the stage spontaneously combust.

8:14 p.m. ET: WHAT! Where did all those Beyonce's go? And come from? Nifty on-stage video screen sleight of hand theatrics.

8:10 p.m. ET: Beyonce is already kicking Madonna's butt in this halftime show that is shot like a music video. As long as no weird German guy shows up banging his crotch on a piece of dental floss like last year, Knowles has this one in the bag.

8:08 p.m. ET: The Pepsi "fan-made halftime countdown" was actually pretty cool. Fans submitted pictures and Pepsi strung them together to look like an animation.

7:56 p.m. ET: HALFTIME SHOW-Here comes Beyonce, shooting forth on a sea of Pepsi in a Pepsi space ship (we imagine).

7:46 p.m. ET: Skechers big shoe ad ends with the human outracing the cheetah and the antelope and tying the cheeta's legs around itself.

7:43 p.m. ET: Subway congratulates 15-year spokesman Jared for keeping his weight off by eating Subway sandwiches. A series of big stars treat it like a movie script, with a twist ending where he "loses," as in, the weight. Big guy Kevin Malone from "The Office" ends with the line, "Maybe they should do a remake," a subtle joke that they should do it with him.

7:40 p.m. ET: Coke's big "Mirage" ad. Mad Max! Cowboys! Showgirls! Glitter bomb! Hashtags! Vote now to decide who wins, if you're not already delirious on wings and chips, at cokechase.com.

7:36 p.m. ET: There's the VW's Get Happy ad that had so many tongues wagging because it has a Caucasian guy with an authentic Jamaican accent. Was it racist? Before you answer, consider that a spokesman for the country embraced the commercial.

7:27 p.m. ET: Hyundai "Stuck" is clever, shows all the dangerous things things on the road you wish you had turbo to blast around, like coin slotted motorcycle riders, to radioactive tankers, to nuclear missiles. Not that you'll ever encounter those on the road, but just in case...

7:26 p.m. ET: The "Got Milk?" ad stars The Rock chugging lactate and solving all sorts of problems with his muscle. He's Popeye and milk is his spinach.

7:25 p.m. ET: Star Trek's "Into Darkness" promo promises another installment in the reboot of the classic inter-stellar adventure series. Sweet.

7:23 p.m. ET: GoDaddy tries to get people to register for its invented ".co" domain name. Punchline: "More everything, sky waitress!" Gets laughs in room where we're watching. Consensus about the Bar Refaeli smooching the tech geek one (below): "Horrible."

7:14 p.m. ET: Calvin Klein "Concept." He's flexible, so is his underwear, featuring "360 seamless technology."

7:13 p.m. ET: There's the fan-submitted Doritos pretty princess ad. Seven years in and Doritos "Crash the Super Bowl" campaign isn't just fresh, it looks incredibly prescient. The goat ad that aired earlier is below as well.

6:58 p.m. ET: A promo for Coke's "Mirage" ad. Will viewers play along with all the hashtag games? Many will be watching to see if Coke pulls off the "second screen" social-engagement factor. User votes will determine which group is shown as reaching the carbonated oasis in an ad to air directly after the game.

6:56p.m. ET: Looks like Budweiser is doing several iterations of the Black Crown "hip black-shirted bacchanal" ad. We're just waiting for the next one to turn into an "Eyes Wide Shut" homage.

6:46 p.m. ET: Taco Bell does an interesting turn in its "Live Mas" campaign. with a Spanish-language version of Notorous B.I.G.'s "Big Poppa" playing as a father with a front-facing baby carrier struts down the street chomping a Cantina Steak burrito.

6:45 p.m. ET: Toyota's RAV4 wish fulfillment ad starring Kaley Cuoco from BigBangTheory as a purple-suit wearing genie. Despite what the experts said, it did lose some of its luster having been seen around online for a week already.

6:43 p.m. ET: Cars.com brings on a baby wolf ad. Meh. Liam Neeson could totally take that wolf momma.

6:42 p.m ET: Blackberry, having recently shed its "RIM" parent company name, pimps its one-handed auto-complete feature.

6:41 p.m. ET: Making its debut here at the Superbowl is the new golden amber Budweiser Black Crown, , which is special because it has a higher alcohol content. That's why everyone wears black when they drink it, in case a funeral breaks out.

6:40p.m. ET: Baltimore scores first touchdown. Time for an ad.

6:25 p.m. ET: There's the Speed Stick's "Unattended Laundry" Super Bowl ad. Looks like they're airing it before the game as well to get the most bang for the buck. They want people to Tweet their #handleit moments where you keep cool under pressure. ... Will be interesting to see if the hashtag actually gets picked up by the Twitterati.

6:23 p.m. ET: If you can't get to a TV, CBS is live-streaming the Super Bowl online, including the commercials. The player even has a special tab for reviewing the most important plays of the game: the death-defying advertising!

6:03p.m.ET: The kickoff show has started, but until 6:30 the ads won't technically count as "Super Bowl" ads, no matter how nice they look. Sorry, Samsung, American Airlines, and random mint shampoo.

5:50 p.m.ET: The clock is ticking down to the Super Bowl XLVII?s kickoff show at 6 p.m. ET, with the kickoff scheduled for 6:30. As the players slap on the face paint, are you are ready for the onslaught of advertising? Brush up on your Super Bowl advertising X's and 0's with a little quick reading:

? Couch potato's guide to Super Bowl commercials

? Super Bowl's 8 bawdiest commercials ever

? Is this Super Bowl ad kiss too steamy for TV?

? Chrysler aims to dominate Super Bowl ad blitz

? Arab-American groups say Coke ad is racist

? Five buzziest Super Bowl ads you?ll see Sunday

? No worries, mon! Jamaica has no beef with VW's Super Bowl ad

5:01 p.m.ET: The PepsiNEXT Super Bowl ad released this morning spoofs Coca Cola's "Mirage" ad, and has actors very similar to the #CokeCowboys #CokeBadlanders and #CokeShowgirls spurning Coke for Pepsi on-set. Amusing jab, but Coke's still wins for class, reach, and massive ad spend.

Shooting in the African desert, instead of in front of green screens, isn't cheap. This, however, is a bit of a cheap shot. But it's all very much in the soda wars tradition we've seen play out repeatedly during the Super Bowl so no one is going to get too upset. At least they shouldn't. After all, we're just talking about soda pop.

Source: http://www.nbcnews.com/business/live-blogging-super-bowl-ads-good-bad-viral-1B8219525

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Obama on gun-control push in Minnesota

President Barack Obama will give a speech Monday in Minnesota as part of ongoing efforts to earn support for gun control and mental health measures in response to December's shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn.

Prior to the speech, Obama will meet with local leaders and law enforcement officials at the Minneapolis Police Department Special Operations Center. He plans to deliver his public remarks on gun violence at 2:30 p.m. ET.

"Minneapolis is a city that has taken important steps to reduce gun violence and foster a conversation in the community about what further action is needed," the White House explained in a release announcing the president's trip.

A politically competitive state, Minnesota is home to many gun-rights advocates. But gun control discussions have increased there since a Sept. 27 mass shooting at Accent Signage Systems in Minneapolis, which resulted in six dead.

The president on Jan. 16 unveiled a sweeping package of proposals designed to combat gun violence. Members of Congress have since introduced some of those proposals as legislation, such as bans on assault weapons and high-capacity magazine clips. In the meantime, the White House has continued a general public relations campaign and listening sessions on the issue.

The president and Vice President Joe Biden, whom Obama chose to head up his gun task force, have also been publicly advocating universal background checks, mental health services and screenings, and other measures, and are waiting to see how legislation plays out in Congress.

Gun control measures face stiff opposition from the gun lobby, headed up by the National Rifle Association, as well as from select gun rights advocates in Congress.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/obama-press-gun-measures-minnesota-164359952--politics.html

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Celebs, babies and beer: its Super Bowl ad time

FILE - In this Feb. 5, 2012, file photo, Ron Blydenburgh, of Hampton Bays, N.Y., watches the broadcast of the 2012 NFL football Super Bowl. In 2013, Super Bowl advertisers are learning the art of the tease. More Super Bowl advertisers are ditching the tradition of keeping spots secret and are instead releasing shortened versions of their Game Day spots called ?teasers? to get pre-game buzz going on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter (AP Photo/John Minchillo, File)

FILE - In this Feb. 5, 2012, file photo, Ron Blydenburgh, of Hampton Bays, N.Y., watches the broadcast of the 2012 NFL football Super Bowl. In 2013, Super Bowl advertisers are learning the art of the tease. More Super Bowl advertisers are ditching the tradition of keeping spots secret and are instead releasing shortened versions of their Game Day spots called ?teasers? to get pre-game buzz going on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter (AP Photo/John Minchillo, File)

This undated screenshot provided by the Milk Processor Education Program, known as MilkPep shows the company's Super Bowl advertisement. The Milk Processor Education Program, known as MilkPep and popular for its "Got Milk?" print ads, is featuring actor and professional wrestler Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in a 30-second ad in the second quarter that is directed by Peter Berg. (AP Photo/Milk Processor Education Program)

This screenshot provided by Kraft shows the Super Bowl teaser advertisement for Volkswagen called ?Get In. Get Happy. (AP Photo/Volkswagen)

This undated screenshot provided by PepsiCo shows the Super Bowl advertisement for PepsiCo's PepsiNext.For its halftime intro spot, Pepsi, the sponsor of the Super Bowl halftime show, created a collage of 1,000 user-submitted photos that are stitched together to create a 30-second video that looks like one person jumping to the tune of Beyonce's "Countdown." The spot introduces the pop star's halftime show. (AP Photo PepsiCo)

This undated screenshot provided by Taco Bell shows the Super Bowl advertisement for Taco Bell. Gone are the days when Super Bowl spots were closely-guarded secrets. With the growth of social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, it's no surprise that more advertisers like Taco Bell are releasing ads online up to a week or more before Game Day. (AP Photo/Taco Bell)

NEW YORK (AP) ? It's showtime.

While the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens battle each other on the field during Super Bowl XLVII, advertisers will compete against each on advertising's biggest stage.

The stakes are high, with 30-second spots going for as much as $4 million this year. And more than 111 million viewers are expected to tune in.

About 28 of the 35-plus advertisers released ads early this year, trying to get a head start on capturing the buzz through social media sites. But early buzz is no guarantee viewers will remember your spot the day after the big game. And of course, some advertisers are waiting for Sunday night for the big reveal of their spots, including M&Ms, Chrysler, Oreo and BlackBerry.

"What we see on the night of the game is really important," said Kelly O'Keefe, a professor of creative brand management at the Virginia Commonwealth University Brandcenter.

Here are some ads to look for during Super Bowl commercial breaks:

? Samsung is going big with a humorous two-minute ad starring actors Seth Rogen ("The Guilt Trip") and Paul Rudd ("Role Models") that features its Galaxy phones and tablets.

?Anheuser-Busch aims for the heartstrings with an ad showing a baby Clydesdale growing up. And Godaddy.com is showing a close up of an extended kiss between supermodel Bar Refaeli and guy wearing glasses.

? Kraft enlists Tracy Morgan from NBC's "30 Rock" to introduce its new Mio Fit water enhancing drops in a 30-second ad during the third quarter.

? Best Buy's 30-second ad in the first quarter stars Amy Poehler, of NBC's "Parks and Recreation," asking a Best Buy employee "lots of questions."

? The Milk Processor Education Program, known as MilkPep and popular for its "Got Milk?" print ads, is featuring actor and professional wrestler Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in a 30-second ad in the second quarter.

? Calvin Klein will show male model Matthew Terry strutting in underwear.

? Gildan Activewear's ad shows a man waking up "the morning after" and trying to get his t-shirt off his sleeping companion.

? First-time advertiser Axe's 30-second ad, in the third quarter of the game, shows a woman in the ocean getting rescued by a sexy lifeguard, but going for an astronaut instead.

? Hyundai Motor Group's Kia invents a fanciful way that babies are made, blasting in from a baby planet in its "Space babies" ad for the 2014 Sorento crossover.

? The E(asterisk)Trade talking baby will make a seventh appearance in the Big Game.

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/f70471f764144b2fab526d39972d37b3/Article_2013-02-03-Super%20Bowl-Advertising/id-d104547c5b044a3c95f1bd23a953cb61

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Obama: 2013 can be year of economic growth

A screen on the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange, Friday, Feb. 1, 2013, shows the Dow Jones industrial average above 14,000 for the first time since October 2007. Evidence that the U.S. economic recovery is firmly on track drove markets higher on Friday, adding to the cheer from good economic indicators out of Europe.(AP Photo/Richard Drew)

A screen on the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange, Friday, Feb. 1, 2013, shows the Dow Jones industrial average above 14,000 for the first time since October 2007. Evidence that the U.S. economic recovery is firmly on track drove markets higher on Friday, adding to the cheer from good economic indicators out of Europe.(AP Photo/Richard Drew)

President Barack Obama gestures as he speaks in the East Room of the White House in Washington, Friday, Feb. 1, 2013, before awarding the National Medal of Science and National Medal of Technology and Innovation to recipients at a ceremony. The awards are the highest honors bestowed by the United States Government upon scientists, engineers, and inventors. (AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Graphic shows the U.S. monthly unemployment rate

WASHINGTON (AP) ? President Barack Obama says 2013 can be a year of solid economic growth, but only if Washington gets out of the way.

In his weekly radio and Internet address, Obama says there are signs of progress in real estate, manufacturing and job-creation.

But other signs are worrying. Unemployment ticked up from 7.8 percent in December to 7.9 percent in January. And the Commerce Department says the economy shrank at an annual rate of 0.1 percent in the final months of 2012.

Obama says the U.S. must lower health care costs and close tax loopholes for corporations and the wealthy.

In the Republican address, Rep. Susan Brooks of Indiana says Democrats must get serious about the nation's spending problems. She's calling on Senate Democrats to pass a budget.

___

Online:

Obama address: www.whitehouse.gov

GOP address: www.youtube.com/HouseConference

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/89ae8247abe8493fae24405546e9a1aa/Article_2013-02-02-Obama/id-1ca98f2616ad4a2fa96f0ead9f8f0a19

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New rules aim to get rid of junk foods in schools

FILE - In this Sept. 12, 2012 file photo, side salads, apple sauce and plums await the students of Eastside Elementary School in Clinton, Miss. The government for the first time is proposing broad new standards to make school snacks healthier, a move that would ban the sale of almost all candy, high-calorie sports drinks and greasy foods on campus. (AP Photo/Rogelio V. Solis, File)

FILE - In this Sept. 12, 2012 file photo, side salads, apple sauce and plums await the students of Eastside Elementary School in Clinton, Miss. The government for the first time is proposing broad new standards to make school snacks healthier, a move that would ban the sale of almost all candy, high-calorie sports drinks and greasy foods on campus. (AP Photo/Rogelio V. Solis, File)

WASHINGTON (AP) ? Most candy, high-calorie drinks and greasy meals could soon be on a food blacklist in the nation's schools.

For the first time, the government is proposing broad new standards to make sure all foods sold in schools are more healthful.

Under the new rules the Agriculture Department proposed Friday, foods like fatty chips, snack cakes, nachos and mozzarella sticks would be taken out of lunch lines and vending machines. In their place would be foods like baked chips, trail mix, diet sodas, lower-calorie sports drinks and low-fat hamburgers.

The rules, required under a child nutrition law passed by Congress in 2010, are part of the government's effort to combat childhood obesity. While many schools already have improved their lunch menus and vending machine choices, others still are selling high-fat, high-calorie foods.

Under the proposal, the Agriculture Department would set fat, calorie, sugar and sodium limits on almost all foods sold in schools. Current standards already regulate the nutritional content of school breakfasts and lunches that are subsidized by the federal government, but most lunchrooms also have "a la carte" lines that sell other foods. Food sold through vending machines and in other ways outside the lunchroom has never before been federally regulated.

"Parents and teachers work hard to instill healthy eating habits in our kids, and these efforts should be supported when kids walk through the schoolhouse door," Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack said.

Most snacks sold in school would have to have less than 200 calories. Elementary and middle schools could sell only water, low-fat milk or 100 percent fruit or vegetable juice. High schools could sell some sports drinks, diet sodas and iced teas, but the calories would be limited. Drinks would be limited to 12-ounce portions in middle schools and to 8-ounce portions in elementary schools.

The standards will cover vending machines, the "a la carte" lunch lines, snack bars and any other foods regularly sold around school. They would not apply to in-school fundraisers or bake sales, though states have the power to regulate them. The new guidelines also would not apply to after-school concessions at school games or theater events, goodies brought from home for classroom celebrations, or anything students bring for their own personal consumption.

The new rules are the latest in a long list of changes designed to make foods served in schools more healthful and accessible. Nutritional guidelines for the subsidized lunches were revised last year and put in place last fall. The 2010 child nutrition law also provided more money for schools to serve free and reduced-cost lunches and required more meals to be served to hungry kids.

Sen. Tom Harkin, D-Iowa, has been working for two decades to take junk foods out of schools. He calls the availability of unhealthful foods around campus a "loophole" that undermines the taxpayer money that helps pay for the healthier subsidized lunches.

"USDA's proposed nutrition standards are a critical step in closing that loophole and in ensuring that our schools are places that nurture not just the minds of American children but their bodies as well," Harkin said.

Last year's rules faced criticism from some conservatives, including some Republicans in Congress, who said the government shouldn't be telling kids what to eat. Mindful of that backlash, the Agriculture Department exempted in-school fundraisers from federal regulation and proposed different options for some parts of the rule, including the calorie limits for drinks in high schools, which would be limited to either 60 calories or 75 calories in a 12-ounce portion.

The department also has shown a willingness to work with schools to resolve complaints that some new requirements are hard to meet. Last year, for example, the government relaxed some limits on meats and grains in subsidized lunches after school nutritionists said they weren't working.

Schools, the food industry, interest groups and other critics or supporters of the new proposal will have 60 days to comment and suggest changes. A final rule could be in place as soon as the 2014 school year.

Margo Wootan, a nutrition lobbyist for the Center for Science in the Public Interest, said surveys by her organization show that most parents want changes in the lunchroom.

"Parents aren't going to have to worry that kids are using their lunch money to buy candy bars and a Gatorade instead of a healthy school lunch," she said.

The food industry has been onboard with many of the changes, and several companies worked with Congress on the child nutrition law two years ago. Major beverage companies have already agreed to take the most caloric sodas out of schools. But those same companies, including Coca-Cola and PepsiCo, also sell many of the non-soda options, like sports drinks, and have lobbied to keep them in vending machines.

A spokeswoman for the American Beverage Association, which represents the soda companies, says they already have greatly reduced the number of calories that kids are consuming at school by pulling out the high-calorie sodas.

___

Follow Mary Clare Jalonick on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mcjalonick

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/89ae8247abe8493fae24405546e9a1aa/Article_2013-02-02-Healthier%20School%20Foods/id-6f77b701621346b6beccdbf5f500c179

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Turn Toward Love

I came out to my parents when I was 15. In a matter-of-fact manner, my father informed me that ?gay relationships never last.? At that time the only same sex relationships in my life were obviously loving and had endured for over a decade (they still do). Regardless, in that moment, I believed him; intellect told me his conclusion was based in ignorance, but his words have weighed heavy in my heart ever since.

I?m not the first to point out the obvious. We know that as human beings we are generally and naturally oriented toward being connected with one another. But for generations we?ve been told that as queer people we are not capable of meaningful, loving, committed relationships. Many of us swallowed whole a version of this message, often without realizing it. We also know that the sentiment that we?re not capable or worthy of meaningful relationships is rooted in hypocrisy. It is all too often a public figure, on his third or fourth marriage himself, who, in a disgraceful avoidance of personal responsibility, is determined to monger the fear that marriage equality will harm heterosexual marriage.

Another obvious statement: We?re capable of meaningful lifelong relationships, if that?s what we?re seeking. But the reality is that we face unique stressors due to homophobia that make our relationships more challenging, but ultimately significantly rewarding.

As a couples therapist, I work with a model of relationships that is emotionally focused. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, reminds us that ?closeness, affection and play make us healthier.? Sue also explains that when we feel hurt by our partner it can be easy to start saying things like, ?Why didn?t you?? or, ?If you were a good partner, you would?? instead of expressing what we need. ?I need you to come closer? or, ?I feel alone? or, ?I am afraid that you will reject me.? Becoming aware of these underlying attachment needs requires a willingness to let our partners into the tender spots of our inner lives.
In a world where reaching for connection with same sex others means risking safety, risking rejection, or risking continued isolation, establishing a mutual emotional bond can be an overwhelming endeavor. If we?re raised to believe our relationships won?t last, and if this fallacy is even a minor ingredient in the foundation for our relationships, allowing ourselves to be truly vulnerable to another person can feel impossible. I work with many queer folk who are so sincerely seeking love and connection with that special someone, but can?t seem to realize their dream relationship. Understanding that homophobia impacts our relationships is a subtle yet powerful step toward transforming our relationships.

Have you ever talked with your partner about how homophobia influences the way you communicate, show affection or feel your love for one another? What is it like when she refuses to hold hands when you?re in public together? It could be a preference for privacy, but no doubt that preference is in part informed by the awareness of the risk of being easily identified as a same sex couple. Why is he so upset when you decline an invitation to his family gathering? Could it be that showing up as an apparently happy couple is in part his need to prove to his family that two same gender loving individuals can maintain a relationship? Maybe your objection is related to not feeling completely accepted by the family as a queer person?

But let?s look deeper. What makes these situations that much more complex, is that it is so difficult to know if the stress you experience in a relationship is about homophobia and heterosexism or simply about your own relational styles. Often it?s an inextricable combination.

Because our relationships are marginalized, we have this amazing opportunity to sincerely reflect upon what being in a loving relationship means for us. And when we encounter conflict or disappointment in that relationship, we can seek to understand what is happening by moving closer to our partner instead of moving away. We can seek to understand the feelings that lie underneath the words and support one another to deepen the love we share.

Source: http://www.justout.com/columns/mind/turn-toward-love/

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